Moralmovies

2007-12-15T05:01:00.000-08:00

Hardy Thanks,
It looks like the prayer and vigilance of readers of this blog have scored a victory for righteousness and the Kingdom. Due to you good readers the forces of darkness (i.e. the makers and promoters of "The Golden Compass") suffered a great defeat last weekend when their athiest propoganda raked in only $26 million and this weekend looks to take in 60% less than that. Perhaps this nation will be spared from utter destruction for a few more months.

2007-12-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

The Great Moral Battle at the Box Office

Well, the weekend of dystany is almost here, the release of The Golden Compass. This is one of those pivotal moments in history, like Luther at the trial of Worms or Jim Baker at that tawdry motel with his secretary. Will America spend its box office dollars for this New Line (read New Age) production or put it in the Sunday offering?
Part of me would almost like to see the film succeed (meganota)and then just sit back and wait for the fire and brimstone hail down on those who brought Pullman's heresies to the big screen. But I would hate for any of you, dear readers, to get caught in the crossfire. So stay away from the movie theater this, and every, weekend.

2007-11-27T12:23:00.000-08:00

Helga with this week's movie to avoid:

"Awake" opens this week and I urge you, if you care about the Earth,to avoid this film. The film stars Hayden Christensen (you may remember him as the boy who would not stop whining in Star Wars II & III, part of that sci-fi salute to facism) as a very rich capitalist who goes into surgury (heart surgury, not for lava related injuries). But during surgury he suffers from "anethetic awareness" meaning he finds himself awake but paralyzed. Rather like when I drink too much coffee before sitting through one of Vinton's sermons.
This film will encourage the use of more anesthetics which will further enhance the evil phamichutical industries which will continue to make things more difficult for the independent herb and "herb" growers.
The film also stars Jessica Alba. Need I say anything about the proven link between Alba and the onslaught of eating disorders in this country?
And Christopher McDonald plays a doctor. This may be the one good thing about the film because the portrayal of a doctor by "Shooter" from "Happy Gilmore" may finally lead to realization that this country needs socialized medicine. For all her faults, Hillary would never let such a thing happen.
So I say, be could to our Mother Nature and skip this film.

2007-11-20T19:21:00.000-08:00

Vinton warns:

My upcoming film to avoid, The Mist. Written by well known Satanist, Stephen King, the film is about a fog that forces people into a super market in Maine wherein they argue about whether or not to go to their cars. Now from the ads I've seen, the perfectablely reasonable character who argues that this is the wrath of God is mocked and derided by the film makers. I don't think anyone would argue with her if it was a killer fog coming in on San Francisco.
This film is directed by Frank Darabont who also directed King's Shawshank Redemption in which there was no Biblical redemption that I could see, not a single person read the Four Spiritual Laws.
It "stars" Thomas Jane, as if anyone knows who that is. (A young person in the church told me he played "The Punisher" which he said was like one of the Judges from Judges, but aside from that I know nothing positive him.) I didn't recognize any of the rest of the class, though I believe an African fellow in the film used to be in a television show about policemen.
So another anti-Christian, pro-Satan film, and again I say a good sermon is all the fun you need.

2007-11-13T15:25:00.000-08:00

Films to Avoid Next Weekend

Helga says:

It would be very bad for your Karma to attend "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium". I'm sure you are, like me, already excited for the upcoming Holidays, by which I mean the Winter soltice. But I get so sad when children are making their soltice Christmas lists. Instead of asking for donations to progressive charities and clothing made from non-species oppressing materials, so many children ask for toys. And this film could only increase that kind of materialism. Also, this film simply frightens me. Dustin Hoffman in the trailers and promotional still does not compare favorably to Jigsaw in the Saw trailers and promotional stills. Natalie Portman should not be allowed in films again until there is justice for full sized women. And Jason Bateman is in the film and his television program Arrested Developement was not at all politcally correct. And the magic of the film is not of the wholistic Wicca variety.

2007-11-05T14:22:00.000-08:00

New Feature - Movies to Avoid Next Weekend

I must first of all apologize for the tardy nature of our posts; Helga and I have been busy with many activities and have failed to regularly post warnings about the abominations at your local sinaplex. We are going to attempt this new feature of warning you of films to especially avoid in the upcoming weekend.

Things to avoid the weekend of Nov. 8 - 10

Helga says - avoid Lions for Lambs

Now I'm sure Robert Redford had the best of intentions when he made this film. It is a film made to condemn the Bush adminstration (obviously the worse adminstration in world history, let alone of the United States) and their immoral "War on Terror". But he went about it in absolutely the wrong way. Tom Cruise plays a senator who mouths the right wing lies defending the heinous US wars in the Middle East, arguing with Meryl Streep playing a reporter who speaks THE TRUTH TO POWER. Now I'm sure the arguments put forward by Cruise have no merit whatsoever, but should we take the risk some unimformed budding neo-cons in the audience might believe what he says? I believe debate is greatly over rated. I believe the film should been structured with Redford, Streep and Cruise speaking straight to the camera telling the audience that the US policy is evil and the people of Iraq and Afganistan would be much better off with the Taliban and Sadam in power, rather than racist, sexist, violent Americans. It would just make everything more clear.

Vintor says avoid Southland Tales
Fortunately, this film should be easy to avoid since the interweb says it is going into limited release. Still, this sure abomination from writer/directer Richard Kelly (of Danny Darko infamy) should be shunned if one should have an opportunity to see it. It seems to be a confusing end of the world type of tale. Why should anyone have any confusion about the end of the world when everything is made so perfectly clear as in the book of Revelation and the second half of Daniel? Plus it stars The Rock and do we really want anymore stars from the WWF? It also stars Sarah Michelle Geller as a porn star who wants to start a reality TV show. (As if there was a difference between porn and reality TV.) I could not make heads or tales of the plot discreption, so needless to say in the world of Hollywood, drugs must have been involved. So once again I say, a good sermon is all the fun you need.

2007-09-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Helga's Final Fall Film to Avoid in 2007

"No Country for Old Men"

If you know me, you know how I hate violence. I've been particularly been over wrought about this whole Michael Vick dog fighting incident. My fellow members of PASA (People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals) have been petitioning for the neutering, beating and electrocution of that man.
To review this film's trailer and saw what is called the 'red band' version. This film apparently is full of violence based on a drug deal gone bad. So those who are trying to enhance the lives of others through pharmaceutical means are again demeaned.
And who is the chief villain of this piece? Apparently a Hispanic played by Javier Bardem. Looks like another slam at the only decent class of people in this country, undocumented workers. And who is the hero, the voice of wisdom? Tommy Lee Jones, another old, white man. This continues to be a country only for old white men, contrary to the films title.
I should not be surprised this piece of film is brought to us by the Coen brothers, who certainly do not seem intent to promote feminism, environmentalism or animal rights in their films. What have they done for the Earth?
So I urge you not see this film as the fewer tickets that come out of that little metal box means more trees will live and there is a chance we may not die of global warming. (Though such an extremely slim chance.)
So warm vibrations and karma to you all this lovely Fall (probably the last to enjoy at this temperature), Helga

2007-09-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

My Final 2007 Fall Film to Avoid

The Brave One

Now as I'm sure you know, I usually prefer to condemn a film on its own merit, whether I've seen it or not, and not based on the personal lives of its makers. Well, I forgot to bring my Bible to read on a recent trip to my opthomologist and I was forced to read an interview in Entertainment Weekly with Jodie Foster. It promised on the cover a "Candid" interview, but she refused to answer one of the first questions. Apparently Miss Foster (note the 'Miss' and yet she has children), was on the cover of 'Out' magazine along with that newsreader, Anderson Cooper. They asked her to respond to the cover story on that magazine and she would not. Now I personally don't care whether she is going out with Anderson Cooper or not, I was bothered by something else in the interview.
Two other things in the article bothered me. First she said the point of her new film was that "No thinking, feeling, breathing human being should use a gun." Now was she saying policemen and soldiers should not have guns or that only irrational, insensitive people should serve our country and cities? Or was she insulting all of us NRA members. (I admit I registered under an assumed name so that when the government confiscates those registers they can't pull the gun from my live or dead figures.)
She also admitted to being an athiest. It used to be in this country, even if one didn't believe in God, they would have the common courtesy to lie about it to the media. I refuse to support with my entertainment dollars someone who so completely ignores common hypocrisy.
Now the film itself is something about a woman who guns down common criminals, so it is not so objectionable in itself, but do consider who's starring in and probably producing this thing.
So remember, a good sermon is all the fun you need.

2007-09-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Vinton here on 2007 Fall Films to Avoid

"There Will Be Blood"

Now I know I am writing this on the Sabath, but just as Jesus healed on the Sabath I think it is worthwhile to use this day to save people from the cauldron of sin. You can tell Hollywood is up to their usual no goodness when they change titles. Who can forget when they came out a film titled "About Last Night..." to hide its real origin, "Sexual Perversity in Chicago". Paul Thomas Anderson used this new title to hide the fact that it is based on the novel "Oil!" by Upton Sinclair. Yes, that Upton Sinclair, notorious liberal. He ran for public office as a Socialist (and later as a Democrat, big difference), founded the California ACLU and experimented with the occult (his book, "Mental Radio" was about telepathy and the seances.) You know, my grandfather said that meat never tasted as good after he wrote the novel "The Jungle" (grandda said that cleaning up the slaughterhouses took much of the exotic flavoring from the meat.)
Anyway, considering Sinclair's commie background I would expect this film won't have much good to say about the oil industry and without the oil industry (as I'm sure Helga would wish) we would be using horse and buggies, but groups like PETA and PASA will keep up from using the horses so we will be pulling our own buggies, thank you very much.
I did hear in the trailer the use of the song "There is Power in the Blood", a favorite of mine and probably the only decent number Marty Robbins ever did.
I also heard that this is a violent film, as perceptive may discern from the title. If you want violence just read the book of Judges.
As always, if you want entertainment, just listen to a good sermon.

2007-09-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

Helga Here With Another Film to Avoid in the Fall

"Into the Wild" should be a wonderful story about a young man that leaves the confines of evil Western conventions to become one with the wilderness. Now I had some hope for this film because it was directed by Sean Penn who totally has vision in the world politcs. Penn understands that Bush is evil (I've tried to convince Vinton but they share Bornagainist so he blames everything Bush does that he disagrees with on the neocons)and Hugo Chavez is a genius and a beautiful humanitarian who limits his people's rights for their own good.
But the story of this film about a recent college graduate, Chris Candleless who does all the right things. He abandons his car (I assume because it contributes to global warming) and burns his money (I wish I had the courage to rid myself of those dead white men and only keep the sisters, Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea, who, of course, won't burn.)
Now someone who does such good things would have exceptional Karma and nature would reward such a person greatly. From what I understand, she would reward him greatly for that but instead weather and natural forces work against him. Who cares whether this is based on a true story; they should have shown Mother Earth being nice to those who are nice to her. Shame on you Sean.
So skip this film, spend time with nature. Tree climbing is fine, but it has become a bit of a cliche, so go hug a bush.

2007-08-31T02:39:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Fall Films of 2007 to Avoid

Helga here:

My next film to avoid is "Alvin and the Chipmunks". I know what some of you are saying, "Surely Helga, this film is harmless! No animals were harmed in its making, they're computer generated!"
Sure, just as the previous incarnation used animation. But do you think the images of clothes wearing chipmunks come purely from the imagination? I'm afraid not. I have it on an impeccable authourity that in order to make the cartoon, real chipmunks were dressed in clothing to serve as models. And certain surgical procedures were needed so that their voices would have that high pitch.
Now I don't know if such models were used for this new film, but even if they didn't, what is to keep little kids who see the film from thinking "I want have my own pet chipmunk and put it in clothes and have it sing annoying Christmas carols." It will be worse than the annual Easter bunny adopted and abandoned plague.
This film stars Jason Lee as David Seville, the companion (owner? father? parmour?) of the poor little creatures (Alvin, Simon and Theodore). Wasn't it bad enough that Lee ruined many happy childhood memories voicing Underdog this summer?

I see no good karma coming from viewing this film.

2007-08-31T02:19:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Films to Avoid in the Fall of 2007 Continued:

Vinton says - Don't see "Fred Claus"

Now no one appreciates a good laugh in a suitable time at an acceptable time more than I do. My sermons often begin with a humorous little story that mocks the theological ignorance of children. And I will even admit there are times I have chuckled at comical moments on the silver screen. For instance, I remember being convulsed with laughter watching Tim Conway in 1977's "Billion Dollar Hobo". Now I wouldn't recommend your trying to locate this film because that was a long time ago and it may have had objectionable material I can't currently recall. I was also amused by many films with that comic genius Dean Jones (in the films made by Disney before they began to allow patrons with obsence and pink t-shirts into their parks.)

But most screen comedies these days try to get laughs at the expense of body parts and functions God obviously wanted hidden or He wouldn't have provided Adam and Eve with furs (sorry, Helga, it's right there in Genesis.)

Now I understand they're going to market this film for "families". But if that is so why isn't it G? No, it is PG which means it has the usual Hollywood debauchery that "parents" are supposed to "guide" there children through.

Plus this film is part of the Santa Claus cult trying to steal the Christ out of Christmas and replace it with an X. And we all know what an X means in Hollywood. (Actually, I would expect these days the folks on the left coast to call the day NC17mas.)

Worse yet, Santa is played by Paul Giamatti, yes the same man who starred in Sideways, the salute to drunkeness. Is Santa going to be filling he stockings with Boone's Farm products?

And the title character is played by Vince Vaughn who I understand played a "Swinger".

Two more words of warning, no make it four, "Frank Stallone: as himself".

I don't think I need to say anymore except to remind you that the opening anecdote taken from Reader's Digest at the beginning of a sermon is all the funny you really need.

2007-08-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

Helga:

My next film this fall that is obviously moral indefensible is "Sweeney Todd". This a musical about a barber that kills customers and his lover that makes people into pies. Now you might not see the offensive nature of this may not be apparent. But as treasurer of my local chapter of PASA (People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals), I am opposed to eating all meat, even human. If a Johnny Depp fan (I certainly understand the appeal) may think after seeing this film that cannablism is OK. If someone has no problem with this, how far is that from eating a pig or a cow or a cute little puppy dog pie. The maker of this film, Tim Burton, previously advocated the eating of processed sugar in that Charlie film, so it is not surprising to see he now advocates something very different from a vegaterian diet.

Vinton:

"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford"

Now people will probably trying to justify this film in the same way they defend those Satanic Harry Potter films. "Oh, the film gets kids to read, they have to read that whole title." But what are they reading about? Okay, not Potter satanism, but violence.
We all know how all the kids go around playing their cowboys and Indian games. But they should all be wanting to play the good cowboy: John Wayne or preferably Roy Rogers or Tom Mix. But instead the moral degenerates of Hollywood want our young boys to identify with the outlaw, Jesse James. It's Bonnie and Clyde all over again.
Look for a rash of bank and stage robberies in the next ten to fifteen years.

2007-08-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Fall Films to Avoid

Vinnie says:

People have been asking me, "Vinnie, what films in the fall of 2007 should I avoid?"

I always say, "Every single one of them because Mel is not making a film based on Scripture and Cecil B. DeMille is dead." But they still ask. So over the next few days my lovely, but utterly heathen wife, Helga will be telling you which ten films you should most avoid from the moral perspective.

My first film to avoid:

"The Golden Compass"

If you thought those pagan Narnia films were horrible with their magic and creatures that could only come to fruition through the unnatural union of humans and animals (Horse-men, goat-men, disgraceful) than you will truly hate this film that promotes more magic than a Harry Potter film. Even the anti-God press, Entertainment Weekly points out the film's blasphemy, noting "Clergymen who kidnap children. Witches who aren't wicked. Even a pair of sexually ambiguous angels." If you thought Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig had brought enought pain and suffering in the world this summer with "The Invasion", that was nothing compared to this film. They pretended that aliens would take over people's life in that film, but this film will lead to demons to take over actual children. This film will be high on my list of film not only to boycott but also protest.

Helga says to skip:

"I Am Legend"

"The last man on earth, is not alone!" This time the last man on Earth is Will Smith. Before the last man on Earth was Charlton Heston. Before the last man on Earth was Vincent Price. Notice a pattern here? Why is it never the last Womyn on Earth? Typical science fiction male chavinism. Dramatically, I guess it makes sense, a womyn alone on the planet could get along just fine, thank you very much. But these films always make it seem like getting rid of all the men on the planet would be a BAD thing. I'm not sure Mother Earth agrees.

2007-06-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Vinnie here:

About "Evan Almighty"

An unprecedented number of readers (literally several) have been asking Helga and myself for our opinion of the upcoming release, "Evan Almighty". This film has been advertising on a number of Christian sites and so people have been, of course, asking me if it was a Christian film and worthy of your box office dollars. My instinct says this is a piece of trash, but I'd hate to be overly judgmental. So I decided to check out the film for myself. I've heard that studios on occasion will do what they call "junkets". "Junkets" are a publicity tool of the studios to promote films. They fly reviewers out to an exotic location, put them up with high end food and lodging and then the reviewers are able to review the film in an utterly unbiased way. So I called some flak at the releasing studio and told them I was a respected film blogger and I'd like to attend a junket for "Evan Almighty". And they had the gall to refuse me. Obviously, they have something to hide, so until you hear more, avoid this film.

Helga,
Some fellow members of PASA (People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals) are suggesting that this film has a positive ecological message. But I already have problems with this film because it is based on the story of Noah's ark, a very speciesist story. Did you know that Noah was able to take his three sons and their wives on the boat when most animals were limited to two? Clearly the message is that people are more important than animals which I find highly offensive. Until I hear that this basic offense is remedied, avoid this film.

2007-05-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

Vinnie here:
Some have objected to the fact that in our warnings about sequels this summer that are the third in a series, we skipped Rush Hour 3. Helga and I wish to assure you all that if we had any real concern that anyone would go to see Rush Hour 3, we would have mentioned it.

2007-05-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

AVOID THE THIRDS

Vinnie here:
People in my congregation have already begun to ask me, "Which of the Big Summer Blockbusters should we avoid?"
There is a simple answer to that, of course, which is everything that Hollywood puts out. But people expect more detailed information from this blog and that is what Helga and I intend to provide. And there is an easy place to begin this summer - avoid all the sequels that are the third in a series and you'll be off on a good start (or Hollywood non-start). Helga will give us the first to skip:

Helga says - Stay out of Spiderman's 3rd Web

I have a long standing policy of avoiding films with 'man' in the title. We live in such a sexist and specisist society that I try to avoid subjecting myself to films that further glorify males. But I made the mistake of not following this policy with the first two Spiderman films. It was the 'Spider' in the title that lured me in. As an active member of PASA (People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals) I was hoping for something that would support our arachnid friends. But real arachnids play a minor role in the first film and are almost no where to be seen in the second, and I don't expect better from the third. And as if we didn't already have enough of 'man' with Spiderman himself, I hear this film also has a 'Sandman'. If you ask me there has not been a comic book film of any quality since "Catwoman", though I can't even recommend the DVD of that, inspite of Halle Berry's fine feline performance, until it is retitled "Catwomyn".

Vinnie says - Stay away from "Shrek 3"

It's bad enough that this films delve so deeply into the occult with the magic spells and such. And the bodily function humor of the first two films was deplorable. But I understand that this film introduces the baby of Shrek and Fiona which means they... I refuse to think about it, and you should as well. I mean, those large, green body parts intertwining...Helga, do the next film.

Helga says - Don't see "Pirates of the Carribean 3: The Long, Slow Boat Past China to the Last Reel"

I understand that this film features Keith Richards as Jack Sparrow's father. I oppose any appearance by Keith Richard's because looking at him further perpetuates the stereotype that illegal drugs are harmful. I blame the alcohol and the fear of Mick Jagger's tongue in his ear for his ghastly looks and speech.

Vinnie says keep out of "The Bourne Ultimatum"

Sure, the United States government is full of evil, corrupt people with dark motives in such places as the IRS and the DMV. But I refuse to believe that the CIA and the other 'intelligence' agencies pose a threat to anyone.

Helga says 'I don't care how dreamy George Clooney is, don't see "Ocean's 13"

Is there anyplace that oppresses womyn more than Las Vegas and all those other gambling halls with the waitress' with skirts that are slightly higher than their bustlines? I think not. Don't gamble on this film (though I think they added a few more stars this time - Al Pacino and Tony the Tiger and Charro just for starters).

Vinnie here again saying this is just a start on the films to avoid this summer, remember, a good sermon is all the fun you need.

2007-03-31T21:58:00.000-07:00

Vinnie here, I'm posting this e-address because it is supposed to help me contact other readers. I suspect it will lead to the government to spy on me.

Technorati Profile

The black helicopters will come soon.

2007-03-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

Vinnie:

Helga and I have been working to find areas of agreement and so we have agreed on the film we can most readily urge you to avoid in the month of April, sight unseen. And that film is "Grindhouse". Apparently, this film is some kind of salute to the B-films of the 60's and 70's that used the explotation of sex and violence to lure people to the cinema (I remember the times sadly, when films like "The Graduate" and "The Godfather", films without any artistic merit would lure youths to the theater with the promise of flesh and brutality.)
Now my understanding is that this film is a double feature, one featuring killer zombies and lesbians and the other featuring a killer car and lesbians. There are many reasons to skip this film, but Helga want you to know that she thinks you should skip it because of the zombies and killer cars and I think you shoud skip it because of the lesbian. So remember, a good sermon it all the fun you need.

2007-03-25T20:20:00.000-07:00

Helga:

The Lives of Others

This film takes place in East Germany during 1984. As we know, at that time, East Germany was a worker's paradise. The state cared for all the people and they were happy, but years later this wonderful place was destroyed by interference from the materialistic west. Well, this film makes it looks like Soviet satellites were horrible places to live.
The film tells the story of a East German secret service agent who spies on a playwright, looking for subversive activity. We later learn that the reason for the assignment is a central committee member is jealous of the playwright's girlfriend. So all this spying is not done for the good of the state. We all know that that kind of scurrilous eavesdropping at that time only took place in Reagan's America (though it happens so much more today in Bush's America, oh how I wish it was the Native American's America again with you could send an e-mail without fear that Big Brother was looking over your shoulder.)
The film does show the glory of State Sponsored Art. The playwrights work is produced by the state and the actors are paid by the state. Then, of course, it is implied that the state blacklists directors, actors and playwrights who speak out against in that Woody Allen and Zero Mostel film, The Front. But we know that blacklisting is just an evil to be found in the 1950's America when Ike acted as a front for Richard Nixon who ran the United States from behind the scenes from 1952 through Watergate, but he was able to come out in the open from 1968, but peace, love and flower power and Redford and Hoffman were able to bring him down. We had those Camelot years of Carter, but things have not been very good for the nation otherwise. At least, not as nearly wonderful as East Germany, but you wouldn't guess it from this film.
So don't see this film, but instead enjoy the beauty of the natural world until global warming wipes it out in the next year or two.

Vinton says:

I thought there might be something to be said about a film that supposedly shows the evils of the communist system. But no one ever comes right and says, "Communism is evil." It is all more subtle than that, and I don't trust the American people to figure these things out for themselves ever since they elected the American communist party (under the D name) in the congressional elections of 2006.
Now the film shows how evil the commies were to surveil the lives of their citizens, but it did make me think it wouldn't be so bad if a real American administration was keeping track of our lives. At the end of the film, the playwright, after the fall of the wall, is able to access the records of his years under surveillance. Now, I've never been good about keeping a journal, so an argument could be made for the the government keeping that journal for you. But since we maybe looking at a President Mrs. Bill Clinton, I don't want the government knowing any of my private life (which is all on the up and up and not anything I'm ashamed of.)
Another problem with the film, is the sexual content. We see partially nude German people. Now on the plus side, this is nothing that would lead the average person to lust, but it can be quite upsetting to the digestive system. (Unless you're the kind of person who does lust after the East German swim team and then your problems aren't just spiritual.)
So once again, I say, skip this film, a good sermon is all the fun you need. Vinton

2007-01-31T15:45:00.000-08:00

Apologies

Vinton: I do realize I warned against Babel in November, but I forgot my good advice. Don't make this same mistake.

Helga: I believe I wrote "blue state" when I should have written "red state". I get confused about that. When I think of "blue" I think of "Blue blood Republicans" and other such evil. When I think of "red", I think of Communism,so those obviously has positive conotations. I am sorry.

2007-01-31T14:37:00.000-08:00

Babel

Pastor Vinton,
It has been a while since I posted, but fortunately, I have been resisting the siren song of the cinema and have been studying the works of the great dispensational theologians.
But sadly, my movie fast was broken by an unfortunate piece of tripe titled, "Babel". You see, I thought I was going to see a version of the tale from Genesis, instead it was another sad piece of Hollywood multiculturalism
This film teaches the profound lesson that if you make bad choices, there are bad consequences.
Let's look at the choices characters make in the film.

If you, as a parents, were going to make a trip to Morroco to patch up your marriage, would you leave your young children in the care of:

A) A family member (brother, sister, grandparent)
B) Neighbors or friends of the child
C) Friend from your congregation that your pastor has recommended
D) An illegal alien nanny who might well be arrested if she needed to take your children to the hospital, apparently without a letter stating your approval for their care

The correct answer is, of course, 'C'. The characters in the film choose 'D'.

If you were an illegal alien nanny caring for children when their parents are out of the country and they ask you to stay longer and skip your son's wedding in Mexico, you would:

A) Thought in advance that their trip might keep you from your son's wedding and refuse, or make plans for the children to be cared for in advance
B) Go to the wedding and have the children stay with neighbors, friends or surely someone that must know the children and could care for them
C) Turn yourself over to INS.
D) Take the children accross the border for a drunken orgy of a wedding, and hope for the best when you have to cross the border again with your drunken nephew driving the car.

The correct answer is, of course, 'C', but the idiot woman in the film chooses 'D'.

(An aside here. In the film, when crossing the border, the young white boy says to his Mexican nanny, "My daddy says Mexico is dangerous." The man is going to Morrocco, the same road that brought such danger to Hope and Crosby, and he says Mexico is dangerour!?!)

The final question in our quiz:

If you are a young, Morrocan, Islamic boy/goat herder and you are curious if your rifle has range, you should:
A) Continue to use rocks and bushes as target practice
B) Wait for the jackels you are supposed to use the rifle for, and shoot at them
C) Convert to Christianity
D) Shoot at cars and buses on the nearby road

Again, correct answer is 'C' and 'D' is the one choosen.

Why should we care for such idiots? I guess because they're not Americans. (No one could care for Brad Pitt anymore after this Brangela nonsense and Cate Blancett isn't really an American and the little Fanning girl gets no more sympathy since her idiot parents allowed her sister to appear in a child rape film.)

So you see, there are plenty of reasons for you to avoid this film and I haven't even mentioned the abundant amounts of young, deaf Asian teenage girl nudity. Nothing moves a film quicker up my list of films to avoid than young, deaf, Asian teenage girl nudity, except mayber young, deaf Asian teenage boy nudity, but it's still a big no go.

This film is sure fire proof that you should skip the movies because a good sermon is all the fun you need. (I assure you this film is no fun at all.)

Helga here:

I misheard what Vinton was reviewing. So instead of 'Babel', I went to the video store to rent 'Bubble'. It is a dark and dreary film that shows two young, dope-smoking high school drop-out working in a doll manufacturing factory whose possible love affair is interrupted by a middle aged woman who doesn't buy into our society's perverse pursuit of thinness. The film shows the hopeless nature of capitalism, blue state America and the doll industry which seeks to indoctrinate little wymen into bourgouis middle-class norms. This film gets one of the very rare Helga thumbs up, as long as enviormentally sensitive means are used to view the film.

2006-12-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

"The Queen"

Vinton here:

This film covers the life of the English royal family in the week following the death of Princess Diana. I remember this time very well. You see, I had been following the events in the life of Diana, and the very weekend she died, I had been planning to use her as a sermon illustration.

I was preaching on Queen Jezebel, and I was gong to talk the way she had abandoned her husband and children and choosen a life of debauchery hanging out with confessed perverts and supporting their causes and traveling about with a worshiper of Mohammad in a sad case of apostasy.

Now I had all this in a sermon for Sunday morning, and I heard about her death on Saturday night, and I knew I would have to change my sermon. Because to say the things I had planned on saying to soon after her death would be wholely inappopriate.

Obviously, I had to rewrite everything I was planning on saying about her in the present tense and change it to the past tense. It actually didn't take a lot of work. But considering the situation, I thought it would only be right to pile on Prince Charlie more as well.

But as to this film. After watching for two hours about these Brits moaning and bellyaching over whether to lower a flag to half mast here or there and how many horse should go before the hearse and such, it all just made me so glad our forefathers fought to not be under the thumbs of these sissy pants. God bless America.
Now I should say that there is much less foul language in this film than in your average piece of Hollywood filth. And thankfully, we do not see Helen Mirren as the Queen Elizabeth II or anyone else in a state of undress. But it is not worth the time for you to go to a movie theater when you could be studying your Bible at home or picketing a revival of 'Jesus Christ Superstar' at your local community theater. So, as usual, let me say, a good sermon is all the fun you need.

Helga here:

Let me just say that any thinking person knows that if one was to list the greatest people of the last millenium, one would have to list Ghandi, Saint Francis of Assissy (for his work with animals even if he did have such a reactionary view of religion), De Vinci (more for his work as a theologian than his work as a painter which was so limited to realism) but along with these men, you must put the great woman (along with other great womyn like Gloria Steinman and Erica Jong and Charlotte Bunch and Mary Daly and Evelyn Fox Keller and I should also mention a man, the great Peter Singer for his great work - "Animal Liberation" which was equally important to the work these great womyn have done for womyn), but along with these great people you have to include Princess Diana as one of the great people of the last thousand years. The work she did for AIDS and landmines was amazing. (I should make it clear here, she did work against AIDS and landmines, not for them, because, you know, they're both very bad results of the white male domination of our society).
But sadly, you see only pictures of Lady Di in this film, because most of it takes place after she died, so it is about a real bummer of a week. And though I would like to be supportive of a womyn in power, like Elizabeth II, but sadly the womyn in power England have tending to be people who start wars (see Thatcher) and do very little for animal rights.
At least Queen Elizabeth seems to have affection for animals. She has canine companions she seems to care for, though she sadly uses leashes (which PASA [People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals] is trying to outlaw). And she has a tender sence with a buck, but sadly we do see the results of deerocide in this film, which the Queen does not prosecute, so that was really sad and that sadness is so overpowering that anyone who loves animals will probably want to skip this film. So please skip this film (especially don't pay to see this film) because you would just be supporting the Bristish government which is almost as guilty as our government in committing horrors in the Middle East.
So till later, peace, love and avoid the use of all plastics and unrecycled paper products and much bioharmony to you - Helga

2006-11-28T21:27:00.000-08:00

TOP TEN MOVIES FOR THE END OF THE YEAR 2006

Vinton here:

Besides summer, Hollywood's biggest filth spewing time is, of course, the time of our Savior's birth. So though, it is always best to avoid the theater all together, here are the worst of the worst.

THE HOLIDAY The biggest problem in this film is not the cast. Sure it has Kate Winslet, noted trollep and nude model from Titanic. And Cameron Diaz, one of three women who tried to ruin the word, 'Angel'. And Jack Black, who I suspect has used drugs at some time in his life. And Jude Law who is very English. No, the biggest problem with this film is the title. Just like those lilly livered clerks at the department stores that say "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas". At least, for their many, many faults, the film industry used to be willing to comercialize Chirstmas by name. And then they come up with a chicken hearted title like this one.

Helga here, with my first film to avoid: CHILDREN OF MEN

The premise of this film is that people are suddenly unable to conceive, and that is presented as a bad thing. Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing? As treasurer of my local chapter of PASA (People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals) I believe it would be a great thing if people would fade away, and the planet would be dominated by noble beasts like the vole and flea.

Vinton: Dreamgirls
Another "Musical" celebrating rock and roll. Sure they may call it soul or R'n'B, but it's still rock 'n' roll to me. This film is a fictional story about the beginnings of the Supremes or Ronettes or some such group. Sure, there might have been something to say for the McDonald/Edie musicals. But I ask, if Hollywood has to make musicals, why not musicals featuring the great hymns of the faith.
"A Mighty Fortress: The Musical" or "Old Rugged Cross: The Musical" (Gibson could know that one out of the ballpark). And it has Eddie Murphy. Don't support potty mouths.

Helga: THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Will Smith goes from being a homeless man with a son to becoming a stock trader. And this is presented as a good thing. Being homeless, one is free of material constraints, free to become one with oneself and the earth. Oh, to spend every night in the elements rather than in a man made abode (but Vinton is so conventional about these things). The film presents joining the souldss corperate world as a good thing. Sadly, this is based on a true story. And Smith is introducing his own son, who portrays his son, to borgouis ideals.

Vinton:BABEL
Sadly, this is not a recreation of the Biblical tale. Brad Pitt took time away from his tatooed trollop (who, he says, he will not marry till gay marriage is legalized, and I believe he will not wash his hair till all shampoo companies stop experimented with animals)to star in this film with that plain Blanchett woman. I think the point of the film is we don't communicate enough in this world, and that is the problem with this world. I don't think that's the world's problem. The Muslims are communicating pretty clearly they want to kill us. And if there is a problem with communication, then the whole world should learn English. If it was good enough for God to use for the KJV, it should be good enough for everyone else.

Helga: NOTES FROM A SCANDEL
I believe I have seen this whole film, having seen the preview. Cate Blanchett stars in this film (and she is not plain, as Vinton implies, but beautiful, as all women are with the possible exception of Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith for reasons I won't go into here) as a teacher who has an affair with a student leading to blackmail from a jealous Judi Dench. Why must we continue to spread the myth that there are consequences to sexual behavior? Everyone should be free to love anyone or anything there heart leads them to. With the exception of Vinton, of course.

Vinton: LETTERS FROM JIMA
This story claims to tell the story of that great WWII battle from the Japanese side. Why should we have to listen to losing side? That's why we win wars, so we can say we were right and they were wrong and so shut up about it. I would think we would have learned our lesson in Vietnam. We lost, so we had to put up with a bunch of bellyaching film makers (yes, you Misters Stone and Coppola). We won, which means the John Wayne version of this war is all we will ever need.

Helga: THE LIVES OF OTHERS
This film takes place in East Germany in 1984, and presents communism in a very bad light. During the reign of communism in Eastern Europe, Hollywood quite rightly did not try very often to show any thing bad about life in those countries. After the worst scandel in world history, the Hollywood Blacklist, we should always and forever more cut communism slack. As I believe Joseph Stalin said, communism is the worst polical system, except for democracy and all the rest.

Vinton: VENUS
This film is about the enormously old Peter O'Toole taking some young girl under his wing. The title refers to another god, than the one God. 'Nuff said.

Helga: THE NATIVITY STORY

This is the Christmas story. Why force Muslims, Jews, Druids, Hindus, Wiccans and all the other religions followers that all true to be exposed to Christianity, the one religion in all the world that is judmentaland therefore bad. If it was just the story of Mary, it might be alright, but from what I've heard, it's about Jesus and Joseph as well. And let me make it clear, Vinton and I have seen none of the films we are hereby condemning. And so you should not see them either.

2006-11-21T22:23:00.000-08:00

Vinnie here:

I'm sorry it has been so long since I posted. But you see, I accidentally saw, brace yourselves, two R rated films, and I wanted to wait till they were our of theaters, so no one would say, "Well, Pastor Vinnie saw this film, so it's all right for me to see it." I know how you teenagers are. And you deacons.

I assure you, I had no idea these were R rated. The poster for "Little Miss Sunshine" had the rating covered at my local multiplex by a small sign for free popcorn on Tuesdays. I went in to the show thinking it was a return to the wholesome fun of the Shirley Temple era. Those were the days, the little moppet tap-dancing with a kindly elderly man or servant. (Not that I normally approve of dancing, but I think tap may have been the kind of dancing refered to in Scripture as it does not put men and women in compromising positions of body parts touching nor does it involve the Devil's music, rock and roll.)
But this was no Shirley Temple movie. This movie had a filthy mouthed, drug addict grand father, swearing of all kinds, and a child dancing to rock and roll music. But there was worse. There was a homosexual character. The most insidious thing about this character is the writers occasionally had this chararter say things I agreed with. He bad mouthed the positive thinking movement, which I have been bad mouthing for years. And he was funny, but not in a stereotypical frilly way. I liked this character, and that obviously can't be a good thing.
But even worse, there was a young man in the film who read Neechee and had a T-Shirt that read, "Jesus Was Wrong". If that shouldn't have earned the film an NC-17 rating, I don't know what should.
The other R rated film I saw was "The Departed". You must understand, I thought the film was a part of Tim LeHaye's "Life Behind" series. It had sex, violence, swearing, Catholicism, every known vice I tell you. The less said about it the better.
I will not be away so long this time. The gracious (though sadly Hell bound) Helga will join me soon with a list of films to avoid during the Christmas season.

And remember, a good sermon is all the fun you need, Pastor Vinton