Name:
Location: Forest Town, California, United States

Many people ask where Helga and I (Vinnie) met. It was at a Jesus Freak festival in the days of my squandered youth. Some brownies were going around that tasted funny and the next thing I know, I'm married to a hippie. But she was cute, and I wouldn't serve a church that hired a divorced pastor, so we are still together till Judgement Day, when I assume we will go our seperate ways. Let me (Helga) add, that it seems the Universe brought Vinnie and I together, who am I to argue. He does have a judgmental nature though, which I find unforgivable.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

TOP TEN MOVIES FOR THE END OF THE YEAR 2006

Vinton here:

Besides summer, Hollywood's biggest filth spewing time is, of course, the time of our Savior's birth. So though, it is always best to avoid the theater all together, here are the worst of the worst.

THE HOLIDAY The biggest problem in this film is not the cast. Sure it has Kate Winslet, noted trollep and nude model from Titanic. And Cameron Diaz, one of three women who tried to ruin the word, 'Angel'. And Jack Black, who I suspect has used drugs at some time in his life. And Jude Law who is very English. No, the biggest problem with this film is the title. Just like those lilly livered clerks at the department stores that say "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas". At least, for their many, many faults, the film industry used to be willing to comercialize Chirstmas by name. And then they come up with a chicken hearted title like this one.

Helga here, with my first film to avoid: CHILDREN OF MEN

The premise of this film is that people are suddenly unable to conceive, and that is presented as a bad thing. Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing? As treasurer of my local chapter of PASA (People Acknowledging the Superiority of Animals) I believe it would be a great thing if people would fade away, and the planet would be dominated by noble beasts like the vole and flea.

Vinton: Dreamgirls
Another "Musical" celebrating rock and roll. Sure they may call it soul or R'n'B, but it's still rock 'n' roll to me. This film is a fictional story about the beginnings of the Supremes or Ronettes or some such group. Sure, there might have been something to say for the McDonald/Edie musicals. But I ask, if Hollywood has to make musicals, why not musicals featuring the great hymns of the faith.
"A Mighty Fortress: The Musical" or "Old Rugged Cross: The Musical" (Gibson could know that one out of the ballpark). And it has Eddie Murphy. Don't support potty mouths.

Helga: THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Will Smith goes from being a homeless man with a son to becoming a stock trader. And this is presented as a good thing. Being homeless, one is free of material constraints, free to become one with oneself and the earth. Oh, to spend every night in the elements rather than in a man made abode (but Vinton is so conventional about these things). The film presents joining the souldss corperate world as a good thing. Sadly, this is based on a true story. And Smith is introducing his own son, who portrays his son, to borgouis ideals.

Vinton:BABEL
Sadly, this is not a recreation of the Biblical tale. Brad Pitt took time away from his tatooed trollop (who, he says, he will not marry till gay marriage is legalized, and I believe he will not wash his hair till all shampoo companies stop experimented with animals)to star in this film with that plain Blanchett woman. I think the point of the film is we don't communicate enough in this world, and that is the problem with this world. I don't think that's the world's problem. The Muslims are communicating pretty clearly they want to kill us. And if there is a problem with communication, then the whole world should learn English. If it was good enough for God to use for the KJV, it should be good enough for everyone else.

Helga: NOTES FROM A SCANDEL
I believe I have seen this whole film, having seen the preview. Cate Blanchett stars in this film (and she is not plain, as Vinton implies, but beautiful, as all women are with the possible exception of Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith for reasons I won't go into here) as a teacher who has an affair with a student leading to blackmail from a jealous Judi Dench. Why must we continue to spread the myth that there are consequences to sexual behavior? Everyone should be free to love anyone or anything there heart leads them to. With the exception of Vinton, of course.

Vinton: LETTERS FROM JIMA
This story claims to tell the story of that great WWII battle from the Japanese side. Why should we have to listen to losing side? That's why we win wars, so we can say we were right and they were wrong and so shut up about it. I would think we would have learned our lesson in Vietnam. We lost, so we had to put up with a bunch of bellyaching film makers (yes, you Misters Stone and Coppola). We won, which means the John Wayne version of this war is all we will ever need.

Helga: THE LIVES OF OTHERS
This film takes place in East Germany in 1984, and presents communism in a very bad light. During the reign of communism in Eastern Europe, Hollywood quite rightly did not try very often to show any thing bad about life in those countries. After the worst scandel in world history, the Hollywood Blacklist, we should always and forever more cut communism slack. As I believe Joseph Stalin said, communism is the worst polical system, except for democracy and all the rest.

Vinton: VENUS
This film is about the enormously old Peter O'Toole taking some young girl under his wing. The title refers to another god, than the one God. 'Nuff said.

Helga: THE NATIVITY STORY

This is the Christmas story. Why force Muslims, Jews, Druids, Hindus, Wiccans and all the other religions followers that all true to be exposed to Christianity, the one religion in all the world that is judmentaland therefore bad. If it was just the story of Mary, it might be alright, but from what I've heard, it's about Jesus and Joseph as well. And let me make it clear, Vinton and I have seen none of the films we are hereby condemning. And so you should not see them either.

1 Comments:

Blogger Jared said...

I'm surprised neither of you condemed Borat: Cultural Learning of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

12:09 AM  

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