Location: Forest Town, California, United States

Many people ask where Helga and I (Vinnie) met. It was at a Jesus Freak festival in the days of my squandered youth. Some brownies were going around that tasted funny and the next thing I know, I'm married to a hippie. But she was cute, and I wouldn't serve a church that hired a divorced pastor, so we are still together till Judgement Day, when I assume we will go our seperate ways. Let me (Helga) add, that it seems the Universe brought Vinnie and I together, who am I to argue. He does have a judgmental nature though, which I find unforgivable.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Pastor Vinton,
It has been a while since I posted, but fortunately, I have been resisting the siren song of the cinema and have been studying the works of the great dispensational theologians.
But sadly, my movie fast was broken by an unfortunate piece of tripe titled, "Babel". You see, I thought I was going to see a version of the tale from Genesis, instead it was another sad piece of Hollywood multiculturalism
This film teaches the profound lesson that if you make bad choices, there are bad consequences.
Let's look at the choices characters make in the film.

If you, as a parents, were going to make a trip to Morroco to patch up your marriage, would you leave your young children in the care of:

A) A family member (brother, sister, grandparent)
B) Neighbors or friends of the child
C) Friend from your congregation that your pastor has recommended
D) An illegal alien nanny who might well be arrested if she needed to take your children to the hospital, apparently without a letter stating your approval for their care

The correct answer is, of course, 'C'. The characters in the film choose 'D'.

If you were an illegal alien nanny caring for children when their parents are out of the country and they ask you to stay longer and skip your son's wedding in Mexico, you would:

A) Thought in advance that their trip might keep you from your son's wedding and refuse, or make plans for the children to be cared for in advance
B) Go to the wedding and have the children stay with neighbors, friends or surely someone that must know the children and could care for them
C) Turn yourself over to INS.
D) Take the children accross the border for a drunken orgy of a wedding, and hope for the best when you have to cross the border again with your drunken nephew driving the car.

The correct answer is, of course, 'C', but the idiot woman in the film chooses 'D'.

(An aside here. In the film, when crossing the border, the young white boy says to his Mexican nanny, "My daddy says Mexico is dangerous." The man is going to Morrocco, the same road that brought such danger to Hope and Crosby, and he says Mexico is dangerour!?!)

The final question in our quiz:

If you are a young, Morrocan, Islamic boy/goat herder and you are curious if your rifle has range, you should:
A) Continue to use rocks and bushes as target practice
B) Wait for the jackels you are supposed to use the rifle for, and shoot at them
C) Convert to Christianity
D) Shoot at cars and buses on the nearby road

Again, correct answer is 'C' and 'D' is the one choosen.

Why should we care for such idiots? I guess because they're not Americans. (No one could care for Brad Pitt anymore after this Brangela nonsense and Cate Blancett isn't really an American and the little Fanning girl gets no more sympathy since her idiot parents allowed her sister to appear in a child rape film.)

So you see, there are plenty of reasons for you to avoid this film and I haven't even mentioned the abundant amounts of young, deaf Asian teenage girl nudity. Nothing moves a film quicker up my list of films to avoid than young, deaf, Asian teenage girl nudity, except mayber young, deaf Asian teenage boy nudity, but it's still a big no go.

This film is sure fire proof that you should skip the movies because a good sermon is all the fun you need. (I assure you this film is no fun at all.)

Helga here:

I misheard what Vinton was reviewing. So instead of 'Babel', I went to the video store to rent 'Bubble'. It is a dark and dreary film that shows two young, dope-smoking high school drop-out working in a doll manufacturing factory whose possible love affair is interrupted by a middle aged woman who doesn't buy into our society's perverse pursuit of thinness. The film shows the hopeless nature of capitalism, blue state America and the doll industry which seeks to indoctrinate little wymen into bourgouis middle-class norms. This film gets one of the very rare Helga thumbs up, as long as enviormentally sensitive means are used to view the film.


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